Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
