Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
