Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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