You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
