I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
