the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
