I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
