I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize