Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
