I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
