I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize