It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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