I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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