Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
