Can Purell be used as lube?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
