like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
