I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
