he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
