Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
