im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
