2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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