she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
