I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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