my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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