Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
