I think I am morally bankrupt
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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