At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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