So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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