im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
