Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize