Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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