Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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