put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
