just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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