the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
