I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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