We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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