I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
