I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
