They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
