Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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