I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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