I seem to have left my pride at pride
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
