bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
