Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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