My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
