Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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