i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
