So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Congratulations! We have a period
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