Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
