He asked to "fluff my boner.."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
