went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
