Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
