Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
