I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
