Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
