i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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