sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
babies were throwing up all over the place
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
