worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
