Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
