The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
