I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
