he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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