we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
