Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We have started to decorate penises.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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