On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
