i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
