I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Betty ford says i'm here all night
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
